Today was a hard day with the kids...not because of anything they did - or at least nothing new that they did - but just because it was. Last week was OK for the most part, yesterday our friends David and Dena came up to visit (pictures coming soon!), and today I was back on my own...and maybe that was part of it too. Maybe the more times people ask me how I am doing and the more they ask how the job search is coming (not that those are bad questions), the more I realize that I just feel trapped. Because right now, there are NO JOBS that I can apply for.
I mean, it is super nice to not have to do all my chores after work (which is hard to be motivated for when I worked full time), because that means a cleaner, more organized house - which I really like. And believe it or not, to keep my house like I want it, I only clean 30 minutes per day, as part of our daily routine (I think it is important for the kids to help with stuff like this).
It is nice having more time at my house, even though it is pretty busy around here with the kids.
I have been able to do very well on my one goal every day - not yelling at the kids.
But I find myself still really frustrated most of the day. I just really don't like being home with the kids practically 24/7.
I look forward to the one hour a day where the kids have to be in the rooms by themselves more than about anything else.
I am sick of eating "kid" food and choking down stuff I don't really like just because I want them to pick meals during the day as a trade off for them eating what I pick at night.
I throw my whole morning schedule to the wind if they choose to play in the bath (and I let them for however long they want) - just because when one is in the bath it means I can do something I want to do (like get a shower) and/or concentrate on only one child, which is rediculously less stressful than both.
I left our dog in her kennel most of the day today just because I didn't want to have one more thing to have to deal with (and now I am paying the consequences of that one tonight - she has SO much energy).
Damaris told me to "be patient" when I was getting frustrated with her today and Titus told me to be "good to the kids" since he overheard Daddy say for him and Damaris to be good for Mommy and Stephen joked about me being good to the kids. Talk about Humble Pie. At least the kids are listening, even if they don't obey (which seems to be most of the time lately).
Just being honest here.
But there are good moments too...and I really need to remember that. Like smiling when Titus stuck his foot in the snow and said "the snow is giving me gas" and it taking me a second to realize he was pretending to be a car, not saying that he had gas. :) Like snuggling up with Titus tonight when he went to bed early because he had made some poor choices and was very sad, so we shared what both of us were sad about and ended up both of us had tears in our eyes, not just in his. Good grief, I am starting to cry just writing all of this.
It's just hard right now.
6 years ago
4 comments:
I'll be praying for you Michelle. We all have our good days and bad days with the kids, trust me. And I find myself losing it sometimes too (oh gee, just last night at dinner I lost it b/c both kids had refused to nap that day and were screaming at the dinner table! haha). Nobody said being a mom was easy, whether you work outside the home or not.
On another note, we're planning on heading up north Valentine's weekend and realized that if I pick Jonathan up from work, we're just about 20 minutes south of where you guys are! So we were wondering if that Friday (I think it's the 12th?) you guys would be around to maybe do dinner together?? I'd be picking Jonathan up sometime between 4 and 4:30, so we could easily be to your house by dinner time and even have some time to hang out and catch up finally! Let me know what you think! :)
~Amanda
I'm sorry that you had a hard day. I can relate so well. There are some days where I just want a break. Last night at dinner, Nathaniel asked me why I was in such a bad mood and it was just because the kids were driving me crazy that afternoon. Some days are GREAT and then others are HORRIBLE. But kids are completely unpredictable and when you have more than one, the two of them combined can be trouble.
You are doing better than I am! I yell far too much, but I think it is because I was raised that way and our house is spread out. The two combined make for a lot of yelling. And my kids are INSANE a lot of the time. They are constantly moving and making noise. I cherish any quiet time that I get during the day.
I think the best thing you can do is to find some time each day for yourself. Some time in the middle of the day, not after the kids are in bed, because you need to recharge.
I hope tomorrow goes well!
Hi Michelle, I'm trying to figure out how to leave a comment. (I mean because I've only done it once and I wasn't able to do it the next time I tried.)
I remember those crazy days with 3 kids at home. I've had my share of crying when the kids wouldn't behave, etc. One thing that I or someone who told me, thought of was be careful you don't wish your life away. That is so true for me even now. I know we are on almost opposite ends of the child rearing phase of life, but I sometimes get the I wish feelings going on. I wish my kids lived closer, I wish I had a job, I wish Neil didn't have M.S., I wish we had more money, etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is I hope and pray that you can enjoy those moments, like you mentioned, and be at peace and have contentment waiting for the next chapter in life to happen. I hope I am coming across as encouraging and not critical. :) One thing I really enjoyed when the kids were little is a play group. We had a group of moms with little kids that met in a Lutheran church that had toys available. Sometimes the moms sat to the side and talked together about things going on in their lives, sometimes moms and kids would do projects together. It was really nice to talk to other adults that understood what I was going through with children. It was fun and relaxing. Does your church have anything like that, or the community? Just a thought! I love you and I think your a great mom and you and Stephen are doing a great job with the kids.
love ya, Aunt Bonnie
I'm proud of you for sharing your feelings on here. I'm always skeptical to share stuff like that on here but it seems people have been really supportive of you. I am not a stay at home mom either. It's fun for a while...but I am so glad that Geoffrey is in preschool this year. Those few hours in the morning are a life saver. Titus must be old enough for something like that. Stay strong...keep breathing...have Stephen help you as much as he can in the evenings! HUGS.
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