Have you been surprised at how much I was able to post this past week? I hope you didn't miss any of my daily posts! There will be a lull now, though, because I am heading down to Indiana for work one last time tomorrow...
Please pray for me if you think of it...the closer this time has come the more depressed and moody I have become...and this past week having a two day taste of being home with the kids while I was on break and Stephen had to work did NOT help my situation.
I am questioning our coming here, even though I KNOW it was the right thing. I miss Marion terribly (anyone think I would ever say that?!?). I miss our friends we left behind. I miss the people in our church in Indiana. I miss our house. I am going to miss my job.
I want to find a job up here, and it is it really hard that I haven't found one yet. I hate going back to being so tight financially that I feel like I am going to choke - we have spent most of our marriage that way, and I HATE it. I dread being home all day every day, and my one hope is that I don't yell at the kids too much - because, to be honest, it happens more than I care to admit. Titus and I do not get along at all...well, rarely. He drives me crazy. Probably because he is so emotional and everything is such a big deal, and I am not at all.
And it is hard to say goodbye to my life for the past ten years...I am not one to cry, but I know that it will still be hard. It will probably hit me more when I get back.
I want this week to be over, and yet I don't. Does that make sense???
Still begging God for a job, even though I am trying to trust His timing. (are you sure you haven't forgotten me, God?!?)
6 years ago
4 comments:
It all makes sense. I know how you feel about staying home. Some days Sydney just drives me crazy and I say it out loud too much. Some days Sydney says "the kids at school are driving me crazy". I am sure she says this because she hears me say she is driving me crazy. I feel like a bad mom when I say that and when I yell at her but sometimes I am at my limit. I love my kids dearly but I do not think I am meant to be a stay at home mom. I get bored and irritated. Thanks for being honest sometimes I think I am the only one that feels this way.
Coming from a mom who is home ALL the time with her three little kids, I can understand how you feel. I think the most important thing that you can do for yourself (and your kids) is to make them have some "quiet time" (we call it "resting time") in their rooms each afternoon. During that time, you do whatever you want! No cleaning, no laundry, etc. Take that little bit of time to relax and reinvigorate yourself for the rest of the day. I always find evenings the hardest. That has helped me a lot. If only the baby would actually let me take my break... :) He just started crying again...
hi, michelle!
i just found your blog! i love finding new blogs to read :)
anyways, i totally understand questioning where you are and wanting what you left behind...we had so many close friends in ohio and when we moved back to indiana, i thought it would be easy to find friends again. i'm sad to say that 5 years later, we still don't have any close friends our age here. it really sucks sometimes!
i hope you find a job soon...i'm sure they miss you like crazy at iwu! :)
Hey Michelle,
I've been in the similar situation before, not having my personal income. The adjustment of lifestyle is not fun. And there were times that I feel worthless.
But luckily it does not last very long. Somehow, God has reminded me through friends, news, and people around me, that I am much more luckier. That at least, I had never gone hungry, even though it is not by eating gourmet food, that I don't have to be alone (as I have my friends and my husband), and most importantly, God really has never left us alone.
It's very hard to understand God's timing. Or to figure God out. But I was reminded again last Saturday, its our life that evolve around God, and not the other way around.
You may dedicate a few days to be sad. But after that, I hope you will find ways to deal with your new life. We will keep you in our prayer!
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