Contentment Lesson #4

Chapter 4 in "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow is entitled "Content With My Role". Gulp. Before I even started reading, I knew this was is going to be another tough one for me. OK, here we go on week 4...

The opening section talked about how some women complain when they are in marriages, others when they are single longing to be married, women who are discontent because they have no children, and those that complain because they do. People who are not content in the role they are currently in.

Linda had a great paragraph that kind of sums up what our perspective needs to be when it comes to our roles - whether we are married single, with kids, without kids, working, or staying at home:

"We grow up when we see our life and our role from God's perspective; when we thank God for the role He has assigned us and begin to see our cup as a gift instead of a cross; when each morning we ask, "God, how can I glorify You today in my given role?""

The next section is titled "What Roles Do You Play?" and the author talked about actors and actresses and how they play very different roles (or parts) in different movies - and how many times we also have many different roles, too. Linda used Elisabeth Elliot as an example - she was single after college, married and then three years later was widowed. She lived several more years single/widowed, and married again, but he also died just 6 years later. But God blessed her with a third husband. Elisabeth obviously had many different roles in those several years. And do you know what Elisabeth said about all that?!? Read here...

"One step at a time, over the years, as I sought to plumb the mystery of suffering (which cannot be plumbed), I began to see that there is a sense in which everything is a gift. Even my widowhood. I say I found peace. I do not say I was not lonely. I was - terribly. I do not say that I did not grieve. I did - most sorely. But peace of the sort the world cannot give comes, not by the removal of suffering, but in another way - through acceptance."

And Linda sums this up so plainly: "If we don't accept God's portion for us, we will become women with spirits of discontent."

Linda's next section is called "All Roles Are Difficult" and in this section she talked mostly about marriage, and even though I mostly deal with struggling with my role with the kids and wish she had talked more about that, she still had a lot of good points. One of my frustrations with other people is how much they talk bad about their spouse or marriage or what their spouse did wrong or whatever. I am not saying that I am perfect in any way in this area, but I try very hard to never talk negative about Stephen to other people...sure, Stephen and I will give each other a hard time and tease with ourselves and with others, but I try very hard to not complain when others get in the habit of badmouthing their spouse. It drives me crazy.

Anyway, off my soapbox and onto what Linda said :)

She talked about how marriage takes a LOT of work, and sacrifice, and how many times it is not what you expected whether physically or emotionally, or whatever. How sometimes to love the same person for so many years takes work, communication, and it needs to be refreshed. As she said, "The intimacy we [her and her spouse] experience has not come easily, but it has been hammered out in real life - day by day and year by year...it's worth the sacrifice." And I have to say, AMEN! I know for a fact that I went into marriage a little too rosy-eyed and our first year of marriage was terrible. And the next several years were very hard - we dealt with a lot of really hard things. I am not one to cry, but I have never cried as hard as I did those first several years. Stephen and I went to counseling together and I went to counseling alone...and now after 7.5 years I feel like we are finally truly happy and content in our marriage - learning what works and what doesn't, and how to truly love each other. It was hard - but Linda is right - it is definitely worth the effort!!! And I know Stephen and I are not done because our roles continue to change and new hurdles will have to be overcome...I am sure as we go through different stages with the kids and then back to just ourselves, there will have to be a lot of change and transition, sacrifice and communication that has to come with that - but I hope that many years down the road I am still willing to go that extra mile and put in the extra effort to make sure we have a good marriage!

Anyway, there I go getting off topic again :)

Linda also talked about the flip side - singleness, and how some of her friends have a hard time because they feel like such outcasts in such a couple oriented world...Linda used the example of how God gave us two legs and how her friends felt so out of place because they were only "one legged", and felt like a third wheel, but how it is a reality that some have - as Elisabeth Elliot put it when she was a widow, it "was a reality I had to come to terms with."

The next section is "All Roles Provide Opportunities" where she talked about how Jesus came to serve and to sacrifice His life that we may live - and how He wants us to have that same perspective. Linda writes that we have a choice - to serve regardless if we are married or single. I can choose to love the time I have with the kids now instead of counting down the days until they go to school (which is hard for me to do, to be honest). We have to CHOSE to look at the positives in our lives instead of focusing on the negatives - because that's what is the wide open door for discontent...because it makes us want something different in our lives than what we have.

"Things Could Be Much Worse" is the next section, she again reiterates the fact that our attitudes are a choice and we need to have the perspective that things could be worse and we need to focus on the positives in our life.

The last section is called "What Does God Ask" and Linda Dillow quotes I Corinthians 4:2 which says, "Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful." God wants us to be faithful - it's His "standard of evaluation" as Linda puts it. It is not success or perfection - and that is freeing, because I will never get to that point as a mother. We simply need to prove faithful in the role that God has given us. Linda said something that was hard for me: God "has said it is in this role [that He has given us] we can best glorify Him."

I don't think so...can I really glorify God the best in my role as a mother at home? Can't I succeed and do so much more if I was working? I am not cut out to be a mom. Others are so much more patient and kind, so much better with kids. Surely I can glorify God in another way.

But then I know that God has put me in this role for a reason. He knows that I need this time to build by character...to give me more patience. To have time with the kids and keep up on the house. He wants me to honor Him and THANK Him for this time, this role He has given me.

That's hard.

And Linda must have thought it was hard too, because she ended with a prayer...and I hope you will pray it too - whether you are single, married, with children, not with children, working, not working...if you are unhappy where God has placed you right now, this prayer is for you...

"Holy Father, You know the joys, the heartaches of my role. I confess that I have fought against what You have given. Grant me the courage to be a servant. Oh, God, I long to be faithful to You. I accept my assigned role as a gift. Teach me to "cease striving and know that You are God."