(Posted by Michelle)
Do you ever feel alone – like the whole world is connected and friends with each other, but you are kind of on the outside watching everyone else have fun – and you feel like you have missed something?
That’s kind of where I am today. Is it my fault? Maybe. Have I not stayed in contact like I should have with friends? Probably. Do I not email enough, post updates on our blog enough? I feel like I do. Do I ever pick up the phone just to say hi? Probably not – I really don’t like talking on the phone. Is my excuse that I am too busy? Most of the time. Is it because I don’t like to have fun? No. Is it because I seem unapproachable? Maybe.
But relationships go two ways – I can email or talk to someone all I want. I can get together with “friends” every week – but if it is always me initiating it, it feels one-sided. No offense to my friends out there, but I feel like it has been this way my whole life. I feel alone and then I feel inadequate and insecure – what is wrong with me that people don’t want to get close?
I really am being serious here…and very vulnerable. So, friends, be honest with me, please. How can I get close to people? What is keeping people away?
To help you get started, here is what I have seen in myself or I have been told (gently) by other people:
*I act like I am better than others
*I need to admit when I am wrong
*I have too high of expectations of others
*Some things are more important than chores, errands, etc.
*I am too uptight
*I say things that are hurtful or judgmental and don't realize it
Anything you would add? Any suggestions on how I can change these things?
6 years ago
6 comments:
Wow, you've really put your feelings out there. I hope your friends can sense the authenticity in your post and hear your yearning for connection. It sounds like your family has gone through some transition - moving and new responsibilites at your church. I hope you make a smooth adjustment. I was just thinking the other day how odd a feeling it is when I am in a crowd full of people, yet a wave of loneliness can sweep over so unexpected. I was going to post about it but couldn't get enough insight about it for a whole topic.
Thanks for your words! It is strange to think about being lonely when I am constantly surrounded by people. I think it comes down to missing that intimate connection - knowing that the other person knows me and my hurts and struggles...but more than that, that they feel comfortable sharing theirs with me - the two way friendship I was talking about in my post. I am in no way trying to negate the friendship I have with Stephen, but I think it is important to have intimate relationships with someone of the same gender - because you can relate in a different way.
I can definitely relate! Since moving to Kentucky, I have very few friends. Even before we had David, I spent most of my time with Nathaniel, and that is because I sincerely enjoying being with him. But now it has put me in a place where I really only have one other "good" female friend.
It is really hard to stay in contact with people- especially when everyone has busy lives of their own. I, especially, find it hard to relate to my friends who are unmarried or married without kids. We live completely different lives and it is impossible to relate at times.
I find that most of the time I only have David to talk about. I am a SAHM, so I don't go out much and the events in my life completely revolve around my son, my husband and my two loveable dogs. I also understand the feeling that a relationship is one-sided. I think it is so hard to find "real" friendships. Ones where you really relate to a person and can trust them. A relationship where you can both be quiet and there isn't an awkward silence.
I am actually a very shy person- which makes me seem like I am better than other, uptight, etc. And I think that I also expect too much of others. So basically, I am going through the same thing as you (although, I would not have your courage to be able to blog about it). I wish I had some advice to offer, so I will have to check back here to see if anyone has any to give and maybe we can both use it :)
My email is mmccallum28@gmail.com if you want to talk about this sometime. I try to keep up with emails the best that I can. So feel free to send me one anytime.
hey, my answer is that we have high expectations of friendships. in a way college killed the view of friendship for us all.
in college we were able to see our best friends everyday, or atleast a few times a week. now that we are in the real world. it takes 2-3 years to become as good friends as we did in college in one or two semesters.
so college set us up because we will never have relationships like that again. even your closest friends now you might see once or twice a week depending on what church they go to.
just my thoughts
Michelle, I think you are right...it is very rare to find someone in the exact same situation you are in. There really are a lot of couples around here - even ones that we went to school with! But Nate, you hit it right on...college in a way makes it harder because on top of being able to spend lots of time together/living together, almost everyone is in the same exact stage of life. What a blessing it was, and I never realized it at the time!!
Maybe instead of searching for the "right" person to become friends with, I need to quit looking and start digging into the relationships I have around me, even if we don't have everything in common. I just need to find someone I feel safe and comfortable with, and let go of my hesitations.
Anyone have any other suggestions?
Hey Michelle, I just wanted to tell yah that I love yah and it's great to have you in our family! (cousin through marriage:) I totally can relate to a lot you were saying...it's weird that we are now in the new world of blogging and we can daily check up on other peoples lives and feel like eveyone is "connected" but does the internet connect us or stop us from getting "closer"? I feel bad that when I lived in Marion that we didn't take advantage of that and hang out more. I was busy and you were busy. But I guess thats just an excuse...the problem is that I... (we) didn't make the time. I'm sorry for that. Well sweetie, I'm here if you ever want to email, blog, or talk on the phone. Dave and I would love if you and Stephen and Titus ever want to take a vacation all the way up here in Canada and come visit, our house is always welcome to you!
Lots of Love and Prayers,
Lynnette
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