OK, I have done a lot of pictures and fun posts, so I thought I would throw in what I hope will be a thought provoking post. At least it has been for me :)
It seems like the issue of "identity" has come up frequently in my life right now. Maybe I am going through an identity crisis :) :) The main question that keeps surfacing: Where do I find my identity? Or to put it another way, what defines who I am?
First is addressing the "churchy" answer that God must first and foremost be where I find my identity. And I agree, but I am a visual/concrete example type person, and so I am not completely sure what that means or what that looks like, or more specifically how to live this out in my life. I know that it can't just being going to church and doing all sorts of great volunteer work in the church/community. I welcome thoughts or comments on this.
But, besides my identity in Christ, what else defines who I am? Is it what I do or who I am around? Is it my job? My hobbies? My kids? My husband? I have struggled with this...because I don't feel like I know who I am or what my identity is. Let me explain.
My whole life I have wanted to blend in and not stick out...I am an introvert, so this was relatively easy to accomplish. I try to down play my strengths and just fade into "normal" life. What is funny is that the things I enjoyed most were things I could lose myself in and not stand out...volleyball (still one of my favorites) was probably one of my favorite things about HS - but sat the bench year after year.
Maybe my reasons for blending in were initially to avoid punishment or to avoid making mistakes (as I have mentioned before, I am a huge perfectionist). I wonder now if it is because I have been hiding for so long that I have no idea how to interact socially at this level.
Maybe I believe that if I claim something I am good at, I feel I have to live up to that expectation that I just placed upon myself - and again fight the battle of perfectionism. For some reason I don't want people to think I am good at anything; yet, like most people, I want/need affirmation that I am doing things well. But I do not take compliments well - I guess I don't trust people's judgment and sometimes see it as flattery (which drives me crazy anyway) instead of a genuine recognition of something in my life. Someone suggested that I just have a twisted view of humility - but I think it is so much more than that for me.
The other issue is my desire to please those around me...so once again I need to blend in and not cause trouble. I want people to like me - so I change myself to fit who I am with. I don't want to be the "loud annoying one" in the room, and I don't want to be the "don't want to do what anyone else wants to do" person in the room, so I work very hard at blending in and not being noticed at all. I hate getting up in front for ANY reason - again because I don't want to look silly, and I feel that I am a pretty awkward person, so chances are I will do something dumb!! ;)
The next issue related to identity is knowing what I want/like/need. I think as Christians we tend to focus so much on "putting others first" that sometimes we neglect ourselves. How can I have joy/peace/love /etc if I do not know what brings me joy/peace/love/etc? Or, more importantly, how can I share this with others?
Stephen must get so frustrated by me - because I do not know what I want - whether it is simply making a choice for what we are going to do for the evening, or something as big as what I want to do with my life. Right now I am just "along for the ride" and following Stephen like a little puppy dog - because I don't know what I want!! This is not healthy, and it is very frustrating! Right now I am living my life through Stephen, our kids, my job, and our church...but what about my own identity?? I am losing myself in the midst of very noble things.
I don't really know what I am saying - or if I am even coming to any conclusions. I don't know if this makes any sense, but they are the thoughts going through my head. Does any one else resonate with what I am saying??
6 years ago
3 comments:
I am sitting here reading this crying and thinking that this is ME writing this! I think the same exact things almost on a daily basis. However, all I have to do is look at my beautiful children to realize...I'm a mom,and a wife! I am who I was called to be! While I may feel like I'm small and not contributing the world, and what's my purpose in life...I may never know the impact I'm having on everyone around me.
Someone once gave me a poster with the quote by an unknown author that says:
" To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
To remind me that WHO I AM IS IMPORTANT!( In your case,to 3 people! And isn't being JUST that enough?) While I/you may never be the best at something, you/I still matter!
I also am a people pleaser and let my thoughts and feelings get pushed to the back burner ALL the time. I always feel as if no one is really LISTENING to what I have to say! I am learning to speak up and say what I feel/think and it is enlightening! You should try it, you will be amazed at what you will find out about yourself!
I resonate--very much, really. Although, we are different in some ways, we are similar too...and the thoughts & questions come...Jamie
This is from my sister, Kara. I thought she had a lot of good points...and I told her that if she wouldn't post it, I would :)
**************************
Welcome to the club :) whether people admit it or not we all have moments of wondering who we are and what we are suppose to be. Sadly this isn't a one time deal, it is normal to go through this right now because you have entered a new phase of life...parenting :) Yet some of your struggle comes from things I too have had to and am still working through. I have perfectionist tendencies and strive to please people. There are some basic truths you need to embrace.
Fact one: You can't please everyone, no matter how hard you try. So...why bother? You are a person of integrity and character, you aren't going to be disrespectful towards others so don't live in fear! Fear is not trusting God...
Fact two: Embrace who you are right now. Who cares if you might do something awkward...call it out and laugh about it. People don't care so much about awkward situations as long as you are ok with who you are.
Fact three: I don't think identity can be nailed down. I hope to continue to change and acquire new hobbies and interests. Just learn to see who you are at the core...and BELIEVE people when they tell you them. Don't let Satan rob you of truth because you listen to his lie that it isn't true.
Well that's off the top of my head :) I wasn't going to post it on your sight because then you would have to charge people to read it :) just kidding :)
Kara
Post a Comment