Just over a year ago, there was a gentleman that stood up at our once a year business meeting with the congregation and absolutely destroyed Stephen in a 45 minute rant. It was terrible, but I was so proud of Stephen - he never once got defensive or snapped back. There was a lot of fallout and hurt from what happened. Stephen talked to people who had issues with him, made some changes in his own life, the board of the church talked about what should have been done differently, we went to counseling to try to heal ourselves, and we slowly tried to keep moving forward and pick up the broken pieces.
The easy thing would have been to walk away from the church. Who willingly stays in that much pain??? But even though we have questioned staying, we never felt once that God wanted us to leave, even though I was practically begging Him. I remember at one point last summer just sobbing on the couch, wondering what to do if you know God calls you to a certain place, but "no one" wants you. He continually reminded me that just as in a marriage, when times get tough you don't walk away, you don't walk away from other conflict, either.
Last summer we were treading water...we kind of had to, to survive as a church after what happened...but you can't tread water forever or you will drown! Finally this winter and early spring we started really gaining momentum and things seemed back to normal in many ways. There was a new excitement and focus, and it was contagious. It was so encouraging to us!
But then a couple weeks ago the board met and wanted to take a vote, even though Stephen wasn't up for a vote. Apparently there were still murmurings, and the board felt like a vote would tell them what was going on, and hopefully silence those murmurings if the vote went well. On the flip side, Stephen and I were so discouraged because we felt like there was great forward momentum that we finally had gained as a church, but all of that came crashing down. Votes stir up so much turmoil in a church when they are scheduled, let alone when they aren't, and we wanted no part of that. The board made it clear that is wasn't a "pastoral" vote, but a "vote of confidence", which is something that has never been done before in The Wesleyan Church - at least, we have never heard of anything like that.
We again really prayed about whether we should leave, but God still said no. So Stephen went through the vote, which was yesterday.
The vote was favorable - over 90% have confidence in Stephen leading the church for the non-member, regular attendees. This was exciting! However, the member percentage was not that high, which we would have obviously preferred. Overall, both member and non-member votes considered, the vote was higher than I thought it might be, so it was encouraging for God to confirm to others what Stephen and I have wrestled with this last year - for now we are to remain at CLCC.
I feel like I have "vote hangover". I don't know if it is Satan attacking, or if it is God really wanting to work on something in my heart...but I just really feel uneasy right now. Am I relieved? Absolutely. But something tells me that although we hoped this would end it, and the board promised it would...I don't think it will...I am afraid that this is just the beginning.
Stephen and I have really grown and healed, however for many others there has been little resolution and healing. Part of this is because instead of people having a good conversation with the person they are upset with, about why they are hurt or upset, they are gossiping and slandering - most of this directed at Stephen, and him hearing about issues 2nd and 3rd hand. It has been very destructive, and it's been very emotionally exhausting. How can there be resolution if you can't even share your heart with the other person and understand both perspectives??? Or even to simply agree to disagree? There isn't any resolution...and that's the problem.
Over the last year I have seen so much growth in Stephen. He has had wisdom to know what comments he needs to take to heart and work on/change, and what comments to consider and then dismiss. So many times he has remained silent, when everything in me wants to scream and shake a person. He has continually sought answers from God and surrendered to those answers even though it has been incredibly difficult. I have admired all these things about him, especially in this last year.
I am not saying Stephen is perfect...good grief, I live with him...trust me, I know he's not perfect :) But neither are the rest of us...and we need to quit being judgmental and critical. We need to truly get to know the other person's perspective and understand their heart. We need to think the best of each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt...because through all of this, our church has lost focus on what matters - what matters is not fighting about petty differences, it's about reaching our community with the forgiveness and love of Jesus!
So many pieces of being in ministry have been SO MUCH HARDER than I ever dreamed...and I had pretty realistic expectations. So much so that I didn't want this life. It was a huge area of surrender for me, because I had to decide if I was going to submit to Stephen's calling on his life, or if I was going to walk away. But I knew that Stephen was the man I needed to marry, so here I am. God has given me such a heart to serve and help, and so even though I might not be a "typical pastor's wife" and I know not everyone likes me...that is OK. I am secure in Christ...because His opinion is the only one that matters.
All that to say, PLEASE be praying for your pastor and the other leaders in your church...try to gain an understanding and perspective, talk to them if there is something that bothers you, realize that we don't have to all agree on everything in order to do ministry together (we absolutely need both unity and diversity in our churches!), and never, ever lose focus on what matters most - Christ!
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