I have been thinking of my Contentment post that I wrote this past Tuesday, and I don't think I quite did it justice...or maybe God has been working on my heart and showing me that I need to grow...
So I thought I would share a little...
I am REALLY bad about having a lot of What Ifs. I am ridiculously analytical - and I tend to think through every possible outcome before something even takes place. I am normally not surprised, disappointed, hurt, etc for very long if at all - because I probably saw that outcome coming, so in some ways I have dealt with that emotion already. I don't know if I am making any sense here. Anyway, maybe that is why I am pretty even tempered for the most part...you know, until something unexpected and "out of control" takes place. I think this makes those What Ifs tend to pop up in my life so much that it just seems normal - almost second nature.
What if Titus has a huge scar from falling on the slide...
...worst case scenario - he will (duh!). Does this change who he really is? No! Does it really matter...no! So why should I even care???
What if we can't find a house to buy that we like in the area...
...well, worst case is that we don't. So what. We can keep looking. We can buy land and build. We can just flat out wait - maybe God has other plans that I just don't know about (again, duh)
What if something happens to our house, car, the kids, etc, etc, etc...
...Obviously this is a harder one - and there are so many scary What Ifs to any of these scenarios, but I MUST choose to trust God and not live in fear. I have to know that no matter what God gives, He is there with us every step of the way and never gives us more than we can handle - even when sometimes it feels like too much.
What if I can't handle the schedule the new job demands (I start on Tuesday)...
...I know that it will be hard to adjust. I know that it will be difficult on our marriage having to go to bed by 8:30/9 each night just to get a decent amount of sleep. I know that I will be tired. I know that it will be difficult going back to a full schedule of not getting home until dinner time (I was SO spoiled at IWU where I could work through my lunch and get off earlier in the afternoon). BUT that doesn't mean that I won't be able to handle it. I can't worry about that when God put SO MUCH together for me on this job, it almost seems like a dream job. It still amazes me how much God did for me. It may take time, but I can adjust - I have to! :)
What if my test results come back really bad on my thyroid...What if I have to go through surgery or take a radio-active pill and be secluded from everything for a whole week...
...This is a huge one for me - or at least it was a week ago when I kind of had a meltdown after I did my blood work and it all became real to me again. It all just washed over me and I had a good cry - which I rarely do. But I realized that worst case scenario is that it is still way out of control and the natural health way didn't do anything for me...well, I still flat out would rather choose to live than put my body in the risk of heart attacks and many other major health issues by not dealing with it. But the flat out truth is that I can't live with that anxiety - I am not greater than God or know better than God. He is big enough to help me through this - no matter the outcome - which I will hopefully know soon.
These are some of the things that go through my mind from time to time...stupid, real, logical, or silly. I need to get a grip on these What Ifs if I want to really learn contentment. Although I am still not sure how to shut off my analytical mind :) Maybe just making sure that I check my heart and make sure I am not flipping into things that imply God is not in control.
Here is a quote I read this week on a website...pretty good and yet convicting at the same time. It doesn't exactly talk about the What Ifs, but it does talk about worry, which stems from it.
“Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives…worry and stress reek of arrogance.” -Crazy Love
5 years ago
3 comments:
I tend to be the same way. I always run these scenarios in my head. Sometimes I can make myself very upset. I also tend to be a helicopter parent because I worry so much. Nathaniel and I were talking on this on Wednesday because he is afraid that at some point in our marriage we are going really struggle because he is much more relaxed. We recognize that we both need to come closer to the middle, but it is so hard.
Thanks for all your insights.
I think the list of what ifs that I have is much longer than you.
But as hard as it might be, I will just trust :)
Thanks for sharing. I confront the What Ifs, too. Aunt Linda
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