Freedom

I like simplicity. A lot. And every year, the closer I get to Christmas, the more anxious I get. I am NOT a gift person, and not just because I don’t like spending money ;)

“Stuff” makes me feel claustrophobic and weighed down. I could sell my house and most of my belongings and live in a tiny little house. That’s what my heart longs for, which is why I get anxious around birthdays and Christmas.

Some people have the gift mentality of “the more the merrier”. Which either means spending an absolutely astounding amount of money, or going to the dollar store and just buying as much as they can, or maybe both. It’s not Christmas or a birthday without stacks and stacks of presents, and each year there has to be more, or somehow we have “failed”.

Stephen and I have tried to do one or two nicer things for Christmas and birthdays, and as our kids get older, I feel guiltier handing over just a couple things for them to open. With all the other presents they get, and hear about their friends getting, they look at our few packages with their name on it, and I can literally see the disappointment on their faces at the number of gifts.

I hate American consumerism.

Kids beg for the toys and video games and all the consumerism “stuff”, but I don’t think that is their heart’s longing. Those toys get thrown to the side, broken, and replaced by the next “thing”.

What we APPRECIATE is homemade or thoughtful giving, and I think deep down, kids do too.

Do you know what I remember from my childhood as the most memorable gifts? Getting on a plane to go see my sister and brother and their families in Texas. Going to Disney World. My mom making a cake, thoughtfully designed just for me, each year on my birthday. My very own luggage set.

Do you know what my kids cherish the most? Every year as the weather turns cold Titus gets excited when we pull out his warm, soft, brown blanket, made by Stephen’s mom. Damaris sleeps every night with a small quilt made by my sister when she was first born. Yes, Titus loves his Legos, and Damaris loves all her girly accessories, but those homemade items are what they cling to and take care of.

I think part of the reason I am dreading this year more than others has stemmed from one word that God keeps whispering into my soul…FREEDOM.

Trying desperately to have financial freedom.

Freedom from food through the 100 Days of Real Food challenge I did with the kids.

Going to a conference where we cried over the situations of social injustice around the world: freedom for the women and children that are slaves or in poor working conditions, working long hours so that we can enjoy cheap toys and cute clothes.

There are personal things that I am slowly breaking free from, too. FREEDOM from self-doubt and self-criticism and self-consciousness. FREEDOM from past mistakes, hurt, and guilt. FREEDOM to truly figure out who I am, and walk in confidence that I am loved.

Freedom means moderation and balance and self-control and living life to its fullest, all wrapped into one simple, seemingly-unobtainable-in-our-American-culture, word:

CONTENTMENT

I long to forgo gifts one of these years…just do something small, maybe handmade, maybe getting together as a family and doing something special together. I want to make memories, not throw junk in the trash when the toys break. I don’t want my kids to have stacks of presents to open as we travel from one side of the family to the other, one package after another thrown into their lap and then tossed to the side in order to open the next one.

I cringe at Christmas because I want my kids to know that Christmas is about JESUS, and about GIVING, and about FAMILY and making MEMORIES. I don't want to just SAY it like we do every year, but I want them to SEE it. To LIVE it. I want them to be grateful.

Content.

Free.




I hope my post didn't offend you or your family and how you choose to do Christmas or birthdays, but I do hope it gives you something to think about.  I wasn't attacking my family or Stephen's family, but our American culture in general. Yes, I would LOVE to change how my family and Stephen's family, and even Stephen and I do gifts, but I know my convictions are not everyone else's convictions.  I wanted to leave a little disclaimer here, because I know this is a sensitive topic, especially to those whose love language is gifts!!